It is time to get with the program, girls!

Your feminine happiness is as simple as these ten uncontradictory rules over at Screaming into the Void

Here are the first two to get you started:

1. Assume any strange man is a potential rapist or murderer in order to protect ourselves because that’s just good common sense - if we refuse to act in our own best interest by limiting our activities to that of an agoraphobic five year old by never going out alone, never going outside at night, and never having an alcoholic drink no matter what our age, the subsequent rape and murder of our foolish, slutty, drunken selves is perhaps tragic, but no more than can be expected.

2. Never assume that a man could be misogynistic and violent until he actually beats the crap out of you or rapes you, because if we do treat men as is they are potentially violent we have proven we are just man-hating scum, even if our personal history includes many frightening examples of men behaving like crazed baboons on crack whenever they fail to get their way.

You must read the rest here!

If you are having trouble picturing what the perfect female looks like, the example below is pretty accurate.

See the red shoes?

The other day, my boyfriend played a psychological trick on me. I would have been pissed off, if I could have stopped giggling. Here is what went down:

He had gone to the video store earlier in the evening to pick out a movie. I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t care. We got all snuggled into bed to watch it together and my loving boyfriend told me it was called “The River King” and it was about a clown ghost or zombie or something that lived in the river. Keep in mind that I hadn’t seen the cover or heard of the movie before. I was like, ok, whatever. The opening scene is a wide shot of the icy river with creepy orchestral music. Boyfriend gasps, the film cuts to the wintry forest, I’m like, “what?” and he says “didn’t you see the red clown shoes” and I know he is joking. We discuss “It” and “Killer Klowns From Outer Space,” and how creepy clowns are in general.

My nerves are on edge. Some kids find a dead body in the river. Creepy music plays, the forest is dark and bleak. The cops pull the body out and a splotch of red blooms magically on the dead guy’s bare chest. My curiosity is aroused, I want to know what is going on. I wonder aloud, “if it is a ghost clown, how can it kill people?” Boyfriend says, “I think it is a zombie.” I shiver and cling to him. Whenever the music crescendos, I cover my eyes. The kids lurking and disappearing in the woods give me the heebee-geebees. I ponder if they are somehow involved with the clown. The movie plods on, new plot elements are introduced; a boarding school, a loner, a girl, eerie photographs with ghostly smudges on them.

I am starting to think, “They really better introduce the clown character soon, or they’ll risk losing the viewer [as in Clown-Horror-Movie-Viewer]. They really gotta show some gore to make up for this lame beginning!” We kept watching because I was just waiting for the clown to make its appearance. The movie was boring. But I had my mind set on figuring out just what the damn river clown had to do with anything.

I was about to voice my concerns to Boyfriend when he confessed that there was no clown, that it was just a stupid murder mystery movie. After which, we both broke down into cackling laughter. The rest of our “River King” viewing experience was interrupted by insane giggling and references to big red shoes, noses and other paraphernalia.

I’ll confess I really should have known better, and certainly by the first clown shoes comment. But Boyfriend says stuff like that all the time, and what reason did I have to doubt him? The most interesting part of this experiment was that I was genuinely scared, I really did shield my eyes, expecting gore. And I held onto that idea for a surprisingly long time. We probably wouldn’t even have bothered to finish the movie if it wasn’t for the clown joke.

I still laugh when a think about it.
And I learned a lot about expectations.

Beauty?

Sorta along the sames lines and sentiments as the work mentioned in this previous post, this video clip from Dove Cosmetics asks one to question beauty and its perception. We have to wonder if they are sincere or whether someone in marketing has cleverly found a way to corner the "homely" market. Gotta love the time lapse PhotoShop! Excuse us while we go to work on our myspace profile pics. Oh wait! We already snagged those off the inter-net...

Saw this on Transbuddha and Gawker to name a few...

Lunachicks @CBGB

So, as you have probably already heard, the legendary NYC punk rock club CBGB is closing down for good. The Bowery Resident's Committee, who own the building, claim that the club owes $91,000 in back rent. Not willing or unable to pay it, CBGB is leaving for Las Vegas. They are taking the urinals. [via boingboing]

In tribute to the club (and also cause we love "Luxury Problem") here are the Lunachicks playing there live in 2002


FYI, and to make yourself sound cooler than you are, CBGB stands for Country BlueGrass and Blues, & OMFUG stands for and Other Music For Uplifting Gormadizers

welll...

ok, so there's no more officially scheduled show anymore, but I do enjoy a public forum of sorts. This video clip dramatizes spam prose. I find some spam to verge on the profound and am glad someone is working with it. So there. Or, umm 'here', rather.

Playlist 09.30.06

Butter 08 - Mono Lisa
The Marvellettes - Beechwood 4-5-7-8-9
The No-Talents - Talent Is A Crime
Kreviss - IOU
Le Tigre - My My Metrocard
Nouvelle Vague - Dancing With Myself
Joolz - Denise
The Soviettes - 1308
Bangs - He's a Groupie
Be Your Own Pet - stairway to heaven track
Bikini Kill - I Like Fucking
Tracy + the Plastics - banana(clip)
The Gore Gore Girls - Hard Enough
The Hazard County Girls -Exit
Luna Chicks - Pretty Ugly
VKTMs - Midget
Nouvelle Vague - Fade To Grey
CocoRosie - West Side
Liliput - Étoile
The Organ - I am not Surprised
Cansei De Ser Sexy - Alcohol
The Gymslips - Drink Problem
Inspect Her Gadget - Falling Down
Janis Joplin - Bye bye baby